Man of Your Word

In the last couple weeks I've had a conversation keep coming up in different venues with different people. Based on it's frequency I felt I should perhaps write about it to get my thoughts put down.

One of the first such conversations happened in pub. Yes, it is an established designed exclusively for the consumption of alcohol and simple food. However the music is great and I enjoy chatting with my friends on Trivia night.

This particular trivia night (some weeks past) I had been chatting up a friend I've never spent any significant time with. Out of the blue, the conversation turned to the topic of religious preferences. So right off you know it was an innocuous affair because bringing up religion with someone you fancy would otherwise be just foolish. Indeed we plunged headlong into church attendance (or lack thereof) and then to belief systems, and with no fanfare crashed headlong into. . . faith. Such a comfortably ambiguous place to be.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
-- Hebrews 10:23,24

It seems that every time someone wants to avoid the questions of religious preferences, myself included, we hide behind this notion of being Faithful Not Religious. Has organized religion so let me down that it is now unacceptable to be associated with any particular variety? For myself, the answer is yes. Which will probably be a disappointment to many of you, and no surprise to others, but my writing demands unabashed honesty and full disclosure.

Days later, I was meeting with a friend with whom I routinely share accountability. As we discussed church attendance and I mumbled my way through excuses he simply asked what my father thought. Ouch. Bringing my dad into discussions about my religious discipline is like choosing the nuclear option. From him you can truly learn the meaning of commitment, devotion, apologetics, and servanthood. His questioning of my heart is always intense, direct, and non-judgmental while still leaving me exposed and transparently self-aware.

My friend easily let me off the hook, but for my own heart I couldn't stop thinking of how easily in more than one conversation I'd so neatly dispatched any question of my place in organized religion. Not only have a distanced myself from any formal commitments I've fabricated a ration and reason for the disconnect. In the span of weeks I'd polished my avoidance to where I could deliver my excuses without any remorse. Except I did have remorse. In my heart I knew what my excuses would sound like under the scrutiny of my father. And once I know that I'm deluding myself, I can't do it anymore. Just a curse of the search for transparency and self-awareness, I guess.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
-- Hebrews 10:25

So I know I need to reconcile with organized religion. I'm just not sure how. Maybe I've not felt all the pain completely yet. Maybe I've not embraced the forgiveness yet. Maybe I still have trust issues? Maybe. For sure.

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.
-- Hebrews 10:26,27

Now having written all this I want to encourage those who think I don't attend church. I do. I visit several churches regularly. I just don't belong to any of them. I don't may commitments with any of them. In many ways I deliberately remain an outsider, a visitor, a guest. I need to worship, and covet the companionship of believers, but am still cautious. So don't get the wrong idea. Worship is important as well as being disciplined about your faith. For me, this is about reconciling with organized religions, denominations if you will.

Labels: faith, reflections, walk

This was a hard post for me write. It will be a difficult post for many to read.

This past week I had the immense pleasure of heading with some friends on a vacation to Las Vegas for my birthday. It was, quite simply, one of the most fun times I've ever had in my life.

The coming home however, shredded my heart in a multitude of tiny lacerations. It was in the tone of voice and the raised eye-brows. It was even in the subtle teasing and prodding of my beloved father "They call it Sin City, do you know that?" The words he spoke in humor and jest, but unspoken chastisement was a familiar lash.

I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.
-- John 17:14-16

Don't misunderstand; I am of a singular mind and resolved in my convictions. The peace I found for my own walk is still blown about by the judgments of others. When presented with their own questioning, it makes me second-guess myself as well. As it should. It is not my wish to cause another to stumble. I want only to bring Him glory. As a lamb amongst the wolves, it requires constant vigilance and sacrifice.

I want to be in the world. It is where I live. Where those I would serve reside. How else to lead a rich, full life, amongst those I care about most deeply if not alongside them. If I'm not willing to walk their shoes and share their lives, what makes me qualified to serve?

It is in these amazing times of bonding and recreation that you see clearly what motivates and moves people. When faced with so many compromises, the knife-edged morality we wield stands out in sharp relief.

I am not so naïve as to think this isn't a slippery slope. The dangers of spending too much time amidst the temptations of the world are very real to me. The apostle was clear that we can rationalize almost any worldly behavior given sufficient motivation. Just because it's tempting, just because it's hard, doesn't mean we can just close ourselves off and reject relationships and lifestyles that we are not our own. Just spending a weekend of self-indulgent relaxation does not mean I'm going to end up with a needle in my arm or catch herpes. You can get rowdy and wild without losing your inner compass.

The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.
-- 1 John 2:17

So I partied in Vegas. But I still served my friends. My faith is intact and most of my dignity. I am surely in this world. It's my hope I stand apart from it.

Labels: faith, reflections, walk

Every now and then, we all get knocked back on our heels. It might be finally writing the 400th page of your new novel and realizing you aren't even close to being done. Or maybe you woke up and decided that after a decade slaving away you just don't like your job anymore. Maybe you got too much sun and now realize that warm toes beat cold weather every time. Regardless of why you are taking the hits, and we all take 'em, there are a couple of things we've all tried when hit with a wake-up call.

Deciding to start a new relationship and chain someone to the bow of your personal misery ship is one of the Very Bad Ideas.

Let's face it, drama is inevitable in each of our little worlds. As we stumble along our own roads we collect varying degrees of baggage at some points and discard it at others. When it comes to jumping headlong into a new relationship you probably want to make sure you can tread water by yourself a little first.

It isn't that you won't grow and change and evolve in a relationship. But a certain core of stability must be present so that you have something upon which to build. If you are both emotionally-stunted and only quasi-available, the best you can hope for is some severely dysfunctional chaos. Which might take the form of some really passionate interplay or some wildly distracting conversations. But ultimately, without a foundation, anything you build together will probably end in rubble with first few tremors.

Sadly, the best advice is the oldest advice. You'll know you are ready to be with someone else, when you are capable of being by yourself. Only you can really say when it's time to leap from the sidelines into the Great Dance. From time to time you might even end up on the floor because you let go of the rail a little too early. Those are the times we might need to lean on other partners and friends who help us limp back to the comfort of the couch with cuddling or some casual flings. If leaning on them in your crisis helps you cease being crippled, then lean heavy. But only for a season. If you want your limbs to limber and strong you must learn to lean on them alone.

Partners in the Great Dance are only evenly matched when they can both stand on their own, come together on their own terms, and bring their independent strengths and leverage. If you are properly equipped then by all means, hit the floor. If you aren't properly equipped you should definitely be prepared to hit the floor, but we prefer you don't drag us down with you.

Labels: reflections, relationships

It's no secret that I'm a creature of volatility who generally avoids habits. However there are certain habits to which I do steadfastly adhere and encourage others. The first is prayer. The second is reading. The third is (wait for it. . .) writing.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
-- Deuteronomy 6:4-5

It's fairly common find the habits of the daily devotional, which usually encompasses the reading and the prayer. For me that's not enough. We are called to "pray without ceasing" which to my mind is really about an attitude or mindset. Unfortunately, we are human and such a broadly ambiguous goal usually ends up serving as license for casualness and a general slacking-off.

My desire to treat such a call with practicality of purpose and honor the intent with sincerity gives me pause to consider the more formal religions and their merits. The above passage from Deuteronomy is called The Shema and is the main prayer for Jews. Shema can be translated "hear" in Hebrew a name derived from the contents of the passage. It is customarily said at least twice a day, firstly when you arise for the day and again when you retire.

The Shema is the centerpiece of Jewish thought and practice. It is a cornerstone habit, if you will.

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
-- Matthew 22:37-40

As we are reminded in this passage, habits by themselves aren't all the Lord requires of us. Surely love for our God and our neighbors is mandate here. But in practicality we are also given the mechanism by which to make this real in our lives. Jesus makes it clear that we are to interpret all of scripture through the filter of these two imperatives.

For myself, I stand amazed at how simply impactful and relevant that simple adjustment makes on such a weighty issue. With one small clarification the precepts are moved from concept to application. They are made relevant and real only by shifting them from simple habits to a lens through which we can view all the rest of our world.

In case you were wondering, yes, I often speak The Shema. (wow, how self-centered am I?)

Labels: prayer, reflections

In my former life, I spent most of my days with executives and leaders. The more time I spent in their company the more accustomed I became to the expectations of their lifestyle and work environment. In general, at the executive level your time becomes the most valuable commodity. It simply becomes more efficient to pay someone else to do the lower level or menial tasks than for an executive to do it themselves.

Over the years, I witnessed countless examples of how the pampering of executives can get wildly out of whack. In my life, I've known leaders who couldn't read their own email and had to have it screened for them. I've known many executives who refused to drive themselves anywhere, would never answer their own phones, and didn't track their own calendars.

Now this might be one end of the spectrum, but when I look at how those people behaved day to day as well, the same tendencies applied. They would throw out decisions and directives, fire missives, craft ultimatums, and arbitrarily fix schedules. It was just expected that the people who worked for them would just figure out the details as needed. If plans had to change, the workers would adapt. The servants react to the leader and his wishes as fluidly as those wishes might change.

In my present life, I've been striving for servanthood. It took me abandoning my old life to even begin to make strides towards becoming a new man.

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. -- 1 Peter 4:10

In my journey towards becoming a servant, I have endeavored to put my full mind and attention towards embracing the menial and mundane. A significant change in my world view has been a willingness to give up my time to the schedules of others. Being willing to perform the simplest tasks, to move at the speed of the slowest person, to support the difficult and dysfunctional people with an uplifting demeanor and countenance. For someone who worked his entire life towards efficiency, expertise, and excellence, you can imagine this is a challenge.

Even as I craft my own true heart of servitude I find a challenge in my roles as a leader. How can I continue as a servant when called to leadership? Can you be a servant leader? My reflection and meditation has led me to think that a servant leader is the only true leader. All others are only shadows. Without a servant heart, a leader too quickly becomes only a traffic cop, a figure-head, or a dictator. This is a trap I've found myself in from time-to-time and one I wish sincerely to avoid in the future.

You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. -- Mark 10:42-45

The only way I know to be a servant leader is to focus on the first word first: servant. Being willing to roll-up the sleeves and do the menial and mundane. Assuming firstly that no work is beneath me. Being personal and transparent and allowing for the style and speed of others. Walk softly and lean lightly on the shoulders of others, speak the positive more often than the critical. These are principles I seek to follow.

If you've got insight and guidance, my mind is open.

Labels: leadership, reflections, walk